Tuesday, March 28, 2006
Floodgates open... run ppl run / 1:22 am
the day has come when i'm finalli losing it....
i woke up at 7am and i snooze and in the end i woke up at 10am... walking slowly to shower and dress for the most hated thing to do on a monday morning. WORK. Once negativism sinks in, the aura of darkness starts settling, everything is just nothing. All that is needed is sleep. hours n hours of sleep.
After i finalli managed to sleep at 3++in morning after popping the pill (gee i sound like i'm abusing drugs) waking up at 10am in the morning doesnt sound nice and its not nice i'm still lacking of sleep and just that the sheer thoughts of work haunt me... its like stressing me out.
Basically from home to office, in train and walking.. my feet seem to be dragging and yet its like not touching the floor, i'm just like a zombie.. in a trance u noe.....
Once reaching the gates of hell, i know there's no more turning back.. i have to do what i had to do... still in a zombie state.. i type out my resignation letter... but of coz being a caring loving colleg, Maz ask me wat happen.... for once i'm speechless... coz there's nothng to say when floodgate is open... All the pent up crying was out.... tonnes and tonnes of water being wasted....
to my actual count, i think just b4 i did the actual act of throwing the letter, my floodgates have already been open and reopen and reopen for nearly 5times... in the office, while walking, in bk during lunch.... sigh.... and it continue when i'm in sir moron office... while trying hard to compose myself, i kinda lost it (ironically) talking while crying sucks ya,. esp when u dun have tissue.... and still trying to maintain dignity.. (actuali all dignity crap is out of window once u cry..)
once it had been out, i feel better n relieve.. its like a HUGE burden was lifted up.... its really great.... and of coz after financial i started worrying abt me being out of job.. but all i wanna is a break.... dun really care i deserve or not.. but i think its ok for me to say i NEED IT!!!
Went for class as per normal with my sweet angel.. and thank God for all the support i gotten. Being there to listen to me while i rave n rant... and of coz to my other angels whom i meet over the weekend.. my male angels (u noe who u are) . Thank you to all of you for being there when i need someone to just listen to me.
And last but not least, thank you for those who always keep me in ur prayers that i remain sane and happy and insya ALLAH will pull thru this. May HE show me the way and keep me amongst those HE blessed.
i woke up at 7am and i snooze and in the end i woke up at 10am... walking slowly to shower and dress for the most hated thing to do on a monday morning. WORK. Once negativism sinks in, the aura of darkness starts settling, everything is just nothing. All that is needed is sleep. hours n hours of sleep.
After i finalli managed to sleep at 3++in morning after popping the pill (gee i sound like i'm abusing drugs) waking up at 10am in the morning doesnt sound nice and its not nice i'm still lacking of sleep and just that the sheer thoughts of work haunt me... its like stressing me out.
Basically from home to office, in train and walking.. my feet seem to be dragging and yet its like not touching the floor, i'm just like a zombie.. in a trance u noe.....
Once reaching the gates of hell, i know there's no more turning back.. i have to do what i had to do... still in a zombie state.. i type out my resignation letter... but of coz being a caring loving colleg, Maz ask me wat happen.... for once i'm speechless... coz there's nothng to say when floodgate is open... All the pent up crying was out.... tonnes and tonnes of water being wasted....
to my actual count, i think just b4 i did the actual act of throwing the letter, my floodgates have already been open and reopen and reopen for nearly 5times... in the office, while walking, in bk during lunch.... sigh.... and it continue when i'm in sir moron office... while trying hard to compose myself, i kinda lost it (ironically) talking while crying sucks ya,. esp when u dun have tissue.... and still trying to maintain dignity.. (actuali all dignity crap is out of window once u cry..)
once it had been out, i feel better n relieve.. its like a HUGE burden was lifted up.... its really great.... and of coz after financial i started worrying abt me being out of job.. but all i wanna is a break.... dun really care i deserve or not.. but i think its ok for me to say i NEED IT!!!
Went for class as per normal with my sweet angel.. and thank God for all the support i gotten. Being there to listen to me while i rave n rant... and of coz to my other angels whom i meet over the weekend.. my male angels (u noe who u are) . Thank you to all of you for being there when i need someone to just listen to me.
And last but not least, thank you for those who always keep me in ur prayers that i remain sane and happy and insya ALLAH will pull thru this. May HE show me the way and keep me amongst those HE blessed.
