Thursday, February 09, 2006
/ 1:20 am
lets start on a gd footing... i dun really like my work... in fact i think i'm getting bored by it.. is tat a gd footing.. or would a gd fren of mine point out that i'm just whining....
Herm.. i dun noe... this used to be a personally my alter ego space with just a few knowing the existence.. yet.. well infact right now, it still just being catered to a small inner circle of frens.. anyway.. i really not sure wat i'm crapping here... but well.. if you get the gist of it.. well continue to read on and discover the mystery..
I do and i did get very stressed out when things are not really going my way.. and all i wanted was just some peace in mind... something which i'm still trying to get a hang of. but without much success at the moment. When i'm stressed, i do believe in getting it out of my system... and my best outlet in releasing is to scream.. I've tried screaming in the middle of Robinson road.. its was ok.. actuali i thot the bloody cars engine and buses and everything would have drown my screams.. but i guess not since ppl in buses and cars and likewise ppl waiting on the other side of the road were looking at me as if i'm a lunatic screaming my head off in the middle of the junction of robinson road n anson road just across the CPF building, Capital Tower, Tanjong pagar mrt and International Plaza.. and well since its abt 7pm... i guess it's crowded with ppl rushing to go home.. but oh well.. i'm just human and human tends to do weird stuff once in awhile.. I'm not really all proper n prim, am i??
Likewise in personal life, as much as i will like to get a hold of it.. to control it my way.. certain things definitely seems to be spinning itself out of my reach.. moving in its own way.. things which i definitely thot that i've put it to rest.. it doesnt seem to be really at rest. Its forever.. well it seems as if its forever to me that its always at the back of my mind. What do i really want? This reminds me of an exercise i did about a couple of yr ago... Strange when i confide in ppl who are strangers to me and how it seems weird to be confiding in frens who have part of my life for almost a decade... and tats almost to about haf of my life age...
Why does it seems that whenever i wanna do something.. so many other things are holding me back.. while i'm brave enuff to risk all or nothin for certain matters... there are a few important matters which i rather not touch at all... and most of the times it has to do wif me being afraid of the unknown...
Seriously, i have just re-read watver that i've type above and honestly i'm no very sure where am i heading here...
I'm listening to a cd which a fren burn for me.. full of anime songs... and i've realise in that few weeks into the 2006, i've kindda lost touch with so many things. Esp most importantly is my self. My inner self.. wat do i really want... right now, i have a job... well paid.. i guess though a little more income doesnt hurt esp when u are back to being a student.. but somehow, life is still not yet fulfilling... I've come to realise that i need to give something more... and i remember abt a lady i met in a home..
I promised her to come and monitor and guide her and all she wanted to do was to have a fren to talk to... someone i guess who just be there .. supporting her to write a story.. all she want was to write a story. I guess it wouldnt have been difficult for me and i'm sure many in heads wld think so too wats the big deal abt this lady.. its just that she is one of those special ppl... and it was only after a few visits to the home that one day, we just chat.. i had to admit that i was actuali thinking of running off elswhere for an appt yet.. somehow something complied me to stay on and hear her... and its been almost a yr plus since i kinda lost touch..at times i wondered what happen...did she finish the story she wanted to write.. and whats the big deal? guilty did creep slowly but surely in my mind.... another of those loose end i did wanna tied up.. herm...
Soy tan confuso y soy perdido. ¿Qué debo hacer yo?
there are things which i wanna try out but i really hate to have someone getting hurt.. but i believe the bottomline was i wanted to avoid ME from bein hurt.. Strange world i have ard me...
Time will show and hopefully i do have the time...and luxury to work on tat...
¿Usted es confunde? I am...
Til then... hasta leugo...
Herm.. i dun noe... this used to be a personally my alter ego space with just a few knowing the existence.. yet.. well infact right now, it still just being catered to a small inner circle of frens.. anyway.. i really not sure wat i'm crapping here... but well.. if you get the gist of it.. well continue to read on and discover the mystery..
I do and i did get very stressed out when things are not really going my way.. and all i wanted was just some peace in mind... something which i'm still trying to get a hang of. but without much success at the moment. When i'm stressed, i do believe in getting it out of my system... and my best outlet in releasing is to scream.. I've tried screaming in the middle of Robinson road.. its was ok.. actuali i thot the bloody cars engine and buses and everything would have drown my screams.. but i guess not since ppl in buses and cars and likewise ppl waiting on the other side of the road were looking at me as if i'm a lunatic screaming my head off in the middle of the junction of robinson road n anson road just across the CPF building, Capital Tower, Tanjong pagar mrt and International Plaza.. and well since its abt 7pm... i guess it's crowded with ppl rushing to go home.. but oh well.. i'm just human and human tends to do weird stuff once in awhile.. I'm not really all proper n prim, am i??
Likewise in personal life, as much as i will like to get a hold of it.. to control it my way.. certain things definitely seems to be spinning itself out of my reach.. moving in its own way.. things which i definitely thot that i've put it to rest.. it doesnt seem to be really at rest. Its forever.. well it seems as if its forever to me that its always at the back of my mind. What do i really want? This reminds me of an exercise i did about a couple of yr ago... Strange when i confide in ppl who are strangers to me and how it seems weird to be confiding in frens who have part of my life for almost a decade... and tats almost to about haf of my life age...
Why does it seems that whenever i wanna do something.. so many other things are holding me back.. while i'm brave enuff to risk all or nothin for certain matters... there are a few important matters which i rather not touch at all... and most of the times it has to do wif me being afraid of the unknown...
Seriously, i have just re-read watver that i've type above and honestly i'm no very sure where am i heading here...
I'm listening to a cd which a fren burn for me.. full of anime songs... and i've realise in that few weeks into the 2006, i've kindda lost touch with so many things. Esp most importantly is my self. My inner self.. wat do i really want... right now, i have a job... well paid.. i guess though a little more income doesnt hurt esp when u are back to being a student.. but somehow, life is still not yet fulfilling... I've come to realise that i need to give something more... and i remember abt a lady i met in a home..
I promised her to come and monitor and guide her and all she wanted to do was to have a fren to talk to... someone i guess who just be there .. supporting her to write a story.. all she want was to write a story. I guess it wouldnt have been difficult for me and i'm sure many in heads wld think so too wats the big deal abt this lady.. its just that she is one of those special ppl... and it was only after a few visits to the home that one day, we just chat.. i had to admit that i was actuali thinking of running off elswhere for an appt yet.. somehow something complied me to stay on and hear her... and its been almost a yr plus since i kinda lost touch..at times i wondered what happen...did she finish the story she wanted to write.. and whats the big deal? guilty did creep slowly but surely in my mind.... another of those loose end i did wanna tied up.. herm...
Soy tan confuso y soy perdido. ¿Qué debo hacer yo?
there are things which i wanna try out but i really hate to have someone getting hurt.. but i believe the bottomline was i wanted to avoid ME from bein hurt.. Strange world i have ard me...
Time will show and hopefully i do have the time...and luxury to work on tat...
¿Usted es confunde? I am...
Til then... hasta leugo...
