Thursday, July 07, 2005
The Onez / 4:20 pm
While on the way back, i stared out of the window; bikes and cars passed by. Times seem to flies so fast yet, certain things seem to make such an imprint that it seems its only yesterday that those incidents happen.
Each time a bike vrooming by, i have a tendency to look at those bikes searching for that ONez bike. a particular bike which gave me a taste of happiness and joy. And yet, to only crush it like dust. While i know that the bike has already changed its owner ..the plate number seems to be permanently imprinted in my brain. No matter wat happen, it kinda always managed to surface itself each time a certain model of a bike vroom by me.
I keep on wondering.. somehow i am kinda baffled at my reactions. it happened such a long time ago, well abt 3yrs ago i think.. and yet.. i can always seem to be able to re-enacted each events in my mind. While i thought that i'll be bitter forever in cases if such thing came to mind.. yet the only thing ,when those events are re-enacted, is that i smiled. While it can be a painful smile as those events came alive, i dun seem to have any bitterness for him. In fact i do wonder how is he doing.. yet i do doubt that i have any courage to face him if say one day i happen to meet him.
Being lied to was one thing i have come to face with it. Yet to be fool all that while kinda hurts badly. The reality of the actual happening kinda shook me very badly. It hurts me rather badly. There were times where i didnt realise that i could actuali still cry abt this.. i guess the wounds mite seems to have heal yet somehow the internal injury runs deeper. although i've make up with my gf, somehow there's always a gap there. A gap, a void.. a space where i dun think it'll be ever possible to fill in. Not that we didnt try to.. but somehow as we grow older, as we go by our daily lives, we kinda drift apart while the shadow of that incident always hovering behind.
While i thought tears have dried up, it roll downs slowly
when i thought i could forget you, you came back to me
each moment of time spend together never seems to leave me
as its plays on softly in me
While i thought the last straw came when you hurdle abuses at me,
the one thing i did was to ask for patience from Him
with my bro by my side, i prayed and kept silence while reading those msg
Yet somehow the shield was broke when i was alone.
The hurt cuts through in knowing that's how shallow u thought of me
To even think that i did such a thing
While my anger surfaced and my blood is boiling,
yet no-one knows the hurts that u're causing.
Cheerful face i will have on the outside, yet a solemn one on the inside
Laughing and shouting in joy i cried, with tears of hurts rolling by
There are times where i wonder when will i ever let this go... and i realise that the only one that can let it go is ME. I have to let it go.. while i keep saying i'm not angry at you and anyone .. i keep saying that. I keep saying that its part and parcel of life.. while it has bring me tears of hurts and heartache, it definitely had brought smiles and moments of joy too..
All i have to do is to wait for the One to come along and completes me once again.
Each time a bike vrooming by, i have a tendency to look at those bikes searching for that ONez bike. a particular bike which gave me a taste of happiness and joy. And yet, to only crush it like dust. While i know that the bike has already changed its owner ..the plate number seems to be permanently imprinted in my brain. No matter wat happen, it kinda always managed to surface itself each time a certain model of a bike vroom by me.
I keep on wondering.. somehow i am kinda baffled at my reactions. it happened such a long time ago, well abt 3yrs ago i think.. and yet.. i can always seem to be able to re-enacted each events in my mind. While i thought that i'll be bitter forever in cases if such thing came to mind.. yet the only thing ,when those events are re-enacted, is that i smiled. While it can be a painful smile as those events came alive, i dun seem to have any bitterness for him. In fact i do wonder how is he doing.. yet i do doubt that i have any courage to face him if say one day i happen to meet him.
Being lied to was one thing i have come to face with it. Yet to be fool all that while kinda hurts badly. The reality of the actual happening kinda shook me very badly. It hurts me rather badly. There were times where i didnt realise that i could actuali still cry abt this.. i guess the wounds mite seems to have heal yet somehow the internal injury runs deeper. although i've make up with my gf, somehow there's always a gap there. A gap, a void.. a space where i dun think it'll be ever possible to fill in. Not that we didnt try to.. but somehow as we grow older, as we go by our daily lives, we kinda drift apart while the shadow of that incident always hovering behind.
While i thought tears have dried up, it roll downs slowly
when i thought i could forget you, you came back to me
each moment of time spend together never seems to leave me
as its plays on softly in me
While i thought the last straw came when you hurdle abuses at me,
the one thing i did was to ask for patience from Him
with my bro by my side, i prayed and kept silence while reading those msg
Yet somehow the shield was broke when i was alone.
The hurt cuts through in knowing that's how shallow u thought of me
To even think that i did such a thing
While my anger surfaced and my blood is boiling,
yet no-one knows the hurts that u're causing.
Cheerful face i will have on the outside, yet a solemn one on the inside
Laughing and shouting in joy i cried, with tears of hurts rolling by
There are times where i wonder when will i ever let this go... and i realise that the only one that can let it go is ME. I have to let it go.. while i keep saying i'm not angry at you and anyone .. i keep saying that. I keep saying that its part and parcel of life.. while it has bring me tears of hurts and heartache, it definitely had brought smiles and moments of joy too..
All i have to do is to wait for the One to come along and completes me once again.
